reddit why does everyone tell me im going to have kids when i don't want them

reddit why does everyone tell me im going to have kids when i don

Operating on fear is a lonely, excruciating process that leaves many immobilized. From desperation, they have to make a decision. Some people don’t realize they’re ambivalent because they’ve walked around with an assumption of either, “Of course, I’ll have kids one day,” or, “I’m never going to have kids.” Then one day, the decision has to be made due to age or time or a relationship is about to end or begin over this issue. The sad truth is that most people who reach out to me have struggled with this decision for 10, 15, 20 years. Many assume that a time will come for each of us, at which point we’ll “just know.” Even though that is the case for some, it’s a myth to think it’s that way for everyone. This can add another layer of shame because it can often seem like everyone else came to their decision with ease. But for many people, it’s hard to know what they really want. While the burgeoning child-free movement rejects this notion, as it should, the loudest voices from that group tend to articulate an assured decision to be child-free.

That’s because we, unfortunately, live in a pronatalist world where the unspoken message is that everyone should want children and should have them, the end. Our society allows little room for ambivalence around this topic. I let them know immediately: They’re not the only one. Most people who contact me say they feel like they’re the only one who can’t decide. Our goal is to help people make possibly the biggest decision of their lives: whether or not they want to become a parent.

People just out of a relationship and people just starting a relationship. I’ve been doing this for 30 years and have seen more clients than I can count of all stripes - men, women, single, married, and partnered people. I’m a therapist who has dedicated my life to helping people figure out if they want to have children. This is just a sample of the questions, fears, and concerns I hear all the time from my clients. “I need some peace and clarity from the torture of sitting on the fence for too long.” “I’ve always wanted to have a baby, but is it even ethical, knowing the environmental and political climate?” “I’m afraid of losing my identity, freedom, and comfort if I have children. “I’m afraid of losing my partner because he wants kids, and I don’t know what I want.

Reddit why does everyone tell me im going to have kids when i don't want them